|5 Love Mistakes
Still single? Here are five common mistakes that singletons make when they are
seeing someone or even when they are in a relationship. Here are tips that will
ensure that your first dates end up in relationships.
1. Love yourself and you will find love If you think you won?t find love,
believe us, you won?t. If you think love will never find you, it won't. There
are umpteen women whose romantic disappointments have left them convinced there
is something distinctly unlovable about them. Have you ever caught yourself
saying, "Who would want me anyway? I don?t think I?ll ever be married." If
you?ve said that to yourself, more?s the worry.
Everyone is worthy of love. You are, even if you?ve spent the last 5 years of
your life telling yourself it isn?t so. If you hate yourself, you will be
hated. This self-abuse is so terrible, that it?s easily a disease. Curable, but
It?s so virulent that it can keep you single for years, maybe even forever. But
they've come down with something so awful it can keep them solo for years to
come. That?s because it can be sniffed out very easily and it makes potential
dates do an about turn and run. You would never know you were afflicted,
because physically, it leaves no marks. But it?s a debilitating disease and the
more you walk around saying, "I will never find love," the higher the odds that
the expectation will come true. On the other hand, the sunnier one's thoughts:
`I?m a nice person, and nice people find love, and I will find my dream
person?, etc etc makes a difference in your general demeanour. It?s this sunny
image that people catch on to immediately, and, say psychologists, the sunnier
your self-image, the sunnier your romantic life.
Start a diary and every day, make of note of something you find lovable about
yourself it can be anything your ability to laugh at yourself, your good taste
in clothes, your ability to save Soon you will find, a whole lot of reasons for
you to love yourself. Ask your friends and family to help you out with this;
you will be surprised at the number of nice qualities they have to say about
you. And basically, whenever a negative thought threatens to invade your mind,
replace it with a positive one.
2. Kick the bad-boy habit. They exist. The nice, well-behaved, educated,
respectful, witty, intelligent, sensitive, well-read? men that you thought had
died with the dinosaurs. So don?t even think of settling for less. What you
have to do is to recognise them, for that is where we all make our boo-boos.
It?s not like he?s going to suddenly pop into the elevator and say, `hey, here
I am, yours for the taking, darling!?
You will first have to believe that you are worthy of someone?s love and that
person will be exactly or as close as possible to the requirements of your
dream man. Do not settle for guys who treat you like something the cat dragged
in. You are a wonderful person; you deserve the best. Just hang in there and
the next time you wonder why you are seeing someone who you secretly think is a
complete sod, drop him. The best, baby, is yet to come. He lies, he says he?ll
call and doesn?t, he couldn?t care two hoots about your parents, his idea of a
movie classic is Mutant Ninja Turtles, he swears indiscriminately you get the
picture and yet you continue to see the guy? Don?t waste time on men who treat
you like dirt. Or it?s time to spell it out: L - O - S - E - R!!
3. Change is not the only contact Answer this honestly. Do you expect
everything to change, the moment you get married? Okay, maybe not everything,
but even if it?s a couple of things, which you mentally tick off before your
marriage with a `he?s not going to watch Who dares win any more?- its not going
to work. Remember that your mate has his own mind. He may bow to your wish
sometimes, but don?t expect him to bend over backwards trying to please you.
For your relationship to work, there have to be spaces where both of you can be
yourself within the warm cocoon of togetherness.
4. Don't commit emotional infidelity. It is one thing to stay physically loyal,
quite another to do so mentally. Do you tell your partner all the ups and downs
that happen to you at work? It?s sharing all the tiny details that make you
smile or weep at the end of your 8-hour work routine that make all the
difference to your relationship. It?s ok to share it with a colleague, instead
of keeping it bottled up for eight hours, but it is equally important to share
it with your partner once you get home.
The keyword is share. You only have an X amount of time and a Y amount of
energy. A large part of both have already been spent at work. So, what do you
have left for your partner and how do you force yourself to repeat something
that is now a spent force? The answer is to be stingy about what you share with
your colleagues. Like a miser, hoard your emotions throughout the day and then
spill them out to your partner at home. The downside is that you will be
talking about little else (presuming your partner will be doing the same), but
unless you work with absolute maniacs your description of your day should most
likely end in a couple of minutes at the most. Yet, by ensuring that you?ve
shared everything, you kept the bond alive and well. Otherwise, the inevitable
drifting apart happens.
5. I am right You can?t be right all the time. You're wrong if you think so. We
all want to be right all the time, and we want to make sure everyone who is
anyone knows it. Sometimes even that isn?t enough. You have to grind it in.
And, that, dear friend is a sure-fire recipe for disaster. Give a little. Even
if you think you are right (which is different from being right), listen to
your partner?s point of view. And you will realise, that there are instances
when both of you can be right. Does it really matter, who is the best classical
singer, or who serves the best mutton biryani in town? your relationship should
matter the most. And yes, more importantly, when you think you are wrong, do
apologise. It makes a world of a difference. It isn?t a sign of weakness.