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My Articles: Pre-Marriage: 5 Love Mistakes

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5 Love Mistakes
Still single? Here are five common mistakes that singletons make when they are seeing someone or even when they are in a relationship. Here are tips that will ensure that your first dates end up in relationships.
  • 1. Love yourself and you will find love If you think you won?t find love, believe us, you won?t. If you think love will never find you, it won't. There are umpteen women whose romantic disappointments have left them convinced there is something distinctly unlovable about them. Have you ever caught yourself saying, "Who would want me anyway? I don?t think I?ll ever be married." If you?ve said that to yourself, more?s the worry.

    Everyone is worthy of love. You are, even if you?ve spent the last 5 years of your life telling yourself it isn?t so. If you hate yourself, you will be hated. This self-abuse is so terrible, that it?s easily a disease. Curable, but contagious.

    It?s so virulent that it can keep you single for years, maybe even forever. But they've come down with something so awful it can keep them solo for years to come. That?s because it can be sniffed out very easily and it makes potential dates do an about turn and run. You would never know you were afflicted, because physically, it leaves no marks. But it?s a debilitating disease and the more you walk around saying, "I will never find love," the higher the odds that the expectation will come true. On the other hand, the sunnier one's thoughts: `I?m a nice person, and nice people find love, and I will find my dream person?, etc etc makes a difference in your general demeanour. It?s this sunny image that people catch on to immediately, and, say psychologists, the sunnier your self-image, the sunnier your romantic life.

    Start a diary and every day, make of note of something you find lovable about yourself it can be anything your ability to laugh at yourself, your good taste in clothes, your ability to save Soon you will find, a whole lot of reasons for you to love yourself. Ask your friends and family to help you out with this; you will be surprised at the number of nice qualities they have to say about you. And basically, whenever a negative thought threatens to invade your mind, replace it with a positive one.

  • 2. Kick the bad-boy habit. They exist. The nice, well-behaved, educated, respectful, witty, intelligent, sensitive, well-read? men that you thought had died with the dinosaurs. So don?t even think of settling for less. What you have to do is to recognise them, for that is where we all make our boo-boos. It?s not like he?s going to suddenly pop into the elevator and say, `hey, here I am, yours for the taking, darling!?

    You will first have to believe that you are worthy of someone?s love and that person will be exactly or as close as possible to the requirements of your dream man. Do not settle for guys who treat you like something the cat dragged in. You are a wonderful person; you deserve the best. Just hang in there and the next time you wonder why you are seeing someone who you secretly think is a complete sod, drop him. The best, baby, is yet to come. He lies, he says he?ll call and doesn?t, he couldn?t care two hoots about your parents, his idea of a movie classic is Mutant Ninja Turtles, he swears indiscriminately you get the picture and yet you continue to see the guy? Don?t waste time on men who treat you like dirt. Or it?s time to spell it out: L - O - S - E - R!!

  • 3. Change is not the only contact Answer this honestly. Do you expect everything to change, the moment you get married? Okay, maybe not everything, but even if it?s a couple of things, which you mentally tick off before your marriage with a `he?s not going to watch Who dares win any more?- its not going to work. Remember that your mate has his own mind. He may bow to your wish sometimes, but don?t expect him to bend over backwards trying to please you. For your relationship to work, there have to be spaces where both of you can be yourself within the warm cocoon of togetherness.

  • 4. Don't commit emotional infidelity. It is one thing to stay physically loyal, quite another to do so mentally. Do you tell your partner all the ups and downs that happen to you at work? It?s sharing all the tiny details that make you smile or weep at the end of your 8-hour work routine that make all the difference to your relationship. It?s ok to share it with a colleague, instead of keeping it bottled up for eight hours, but it is equally important to share it with your partner once you get home.

    The keyword is share. You only have an X amount of time and a Y amount of energy. A large part of both have already been spent at work. So, what do you have left for your partner and how do you force yourself to repeat something that is now a spent force? The answer is to be stingy about what you share with your colleagues. Like a miser, hoard your emotions throughout the day and then spill them out to your partner at home. The downside is that you will be talking about little else (presuming your partner will be doing the same), but unless you work with absolute maniacs your description of your day should most likely end in a couple of minutes at the most. Yet, by ensuring that you?ve shared everything, you kept the bond alive and well. Otherwise, the inevitable drifting apart happens.

  • 5. I am right You can?t be right all the time. You're wrong if you think so. We all want to be right all the time, and we want to make sure everyone who is anyone knows it. Sometimes even that isn?t enough. You have to grind it in. And, that, dear friend is a sure-fire recipe for disaster. Give a little. Even if you think you are right (which is different from being right), listen to your partner?s point of view. And you will realise, that there are instances when both of you can be right. Does it really matter, who is the best classical singer, or who serves the best mutton biryani in town? your relationship should matter the most. And yes, more importantly, when you think you are wrong, do apologise. It makes a world of a difference. It isn?t a sign of weakness.
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